My greatest fear was..

Most children are afraid of the dark things that are easy but my greatest fear was something that laid much deeper inside. As weird as it may sound my greatest fear was love. I was a child who was abandoned time after time after the words "I love you" came out. I was a child who associated pain with love. As I got older boys came into the picture and after soon long when they would start to say they cared about it that they may love I would run as fast as I could in the opposite direction because again I associated these words with pain, fear, loneliness, and violence. Love was not something that I wanted to feel and it was certainly not something I wanted someone to feel for me. Unlike most children my fear did not go away once I got older but my fear grew deeper and colder. Until one day I met a goofy boy who would change my entire world by changing my entire view on how I saw this world. He showed me that love is kind and should not be painful and should never means violence. This was a hard fear to get over and i still struggle with these fears everyday, praying that I will be good enough praying that I will not do anything wrong. Its taken me a long time to find out that love does not need to be earned but that it should be given. Thank you God for loving me for who I am and thank you God for sending me a boy who would change my world and give me your message that I am enough  just being Melissa. 

Honesty

There is just something about saying what is true to your heart.When something has been eating away at you and you just let it out. I do not know about everyone else but I know when I have been holding back and then all of a sudden there is just that moment where everything comes out and its like all that weight is gone. Sometimes honesty will make things harder but nothing is worse then holding things back. I would like to say I hope everyone allows themselves to have honesty in there life because all of my life I have been the girl who is "fine". I put on that face, that smile that the world that "yes, I am fine" when all i wanted to say was I am hurting and my world i breaking. What is so wrong with saying the truth with saying hey I am not ok, hey I am no perfect. When people say hey whats up they really don't want to know whats going to they are just making small talk. Could you imagine how much better off our world would be if people in the beginning said "hey i am not ok". What if in the beginning that kid didn't take their life because they felt like someone cared. What if in the beginning that father never started drinking because they didn't feel at fault that he tried his best and his best was enough. What if in the beginning when that girl looked in the mirror she felt worthy she felt pretty and thin enough. What would would our world look like if there was honesty and not just the image of perfection what if i said I am not ok but with a friend and understanding i can get past this. Just a thought 

Reading Books

I love to read I always have a good book with me just incase. Most people my age do not love to read anymore, I can not tell you how many times my friends have told me “Why would you read when you can just watch the movie”. I love to read because it is a way for me to leave all the problems in my world and read about some else’s. I read because it is a way to get out of my head even if it is only for a little while. I read because it gives me encouragement that there are people out there with problems just like me and in a way it makes me feel less alone. Lastly I love to read because it gives me more understanding and knowledge. My favorite author is Jodi Picoult because she always brings up issues that people are dealing with everyday whether it is a story about school shootings, rape, or even cancer with in a family. There are no limits to where she will go which is why I love her books so much.  When she writes she goes back and forth to all the main characters so you are able to get inside the head of each side because you are able to develop your own opinion.

Family

Today our world is filled with many broken families I believe families should have the strongest bonds of all and yet you see it all the time families fighting and not being there for one another. Even on shows in movies all the good drama is when the families back stab one another what does these actions say to child? This tells them that fighting with your family is ok, that leaving your family is acceptable because it is just apart of life. I feel like God gave us family for a support system but if our support system is broken then where does that leave us? I just like any others have a broken family but the family that stayed has been there for me every step of the way and i would do anything for them. So i say forget what we see on the movies forget what makes good drama because the reality is if we can not depend on family, if we can not trust family, if we dont have those people then who do we have who we we turn to when our world is coming down and who can we really trust or depend on these are just some questions to think about. Who is your family from the outside and most importantly who are they from the inside

Easter

We all remember Easter as kids with the easter bunny, the easter egg hunts, the easter baskets, and lets not forget about all of the great food. Although Easter can be a very fun holiday and I do love of those things myself, I believe that too many kids are only being taught about dying an easter egg rather than being taught about the true meaning from Easter in the first place. Over 2,000 years ago there was man who died on the cross for my sins and for everyone else's sins and on Easter we celebrate all the fun stuff which is not a bad thing as we remember that on that day that same man rose from the dead proofing he was worthy of all. I believe that not enough people are teaching about the right message about an amazing event that took place years ago. I hope when i am a parent i put even meaning to the real message rather then just what the world tells me. 

Girls

There once was a girl who ate an apple from a forbidden tree and it has been all down hill from there. Girls are now required every month to have a visitor who happens to be not so much on the friendly side and never brings presents we want. Because of this visitor girls are also the ones who are required to have the babies after caring for nine months.I feel that girls have huge responsibilities and endure too much pain in one life time. I do not believe this fair because all though now girls have rights they are still not always given enough credit because they are simply girls. Girls are paid less then men for the same position. I do not understand women are cable enough to carry and raise child and work but are not cable enough to be getting paid the same. According to media today girls are also required to maintain a certain weight even while having kids, always looking the part, all while they making money. A girls job is important to the world. I do not understand why the world works the way it does but here we are. I will always remember my grandma telling me "remember when little boys tell you that boys are better then girls, that this world would cease to excite without little girls" 

College

College is much more then school, its a whole new experience. High school and college are completely different from each other in a few different ways. High school is full of rules and limits such as tardiness, dress codes, and classes we can and can not take. When you get to college the rules lessen, when your tardy you will not get sent to the office, and the best part is you are able to take more classes that you want in order to work toward your dreams. Once you get to college you are hopefully where you wanted to be and surrounded by people you like and would like to be around. College is a great deal more expensive but because of this unlike high school for the most people you have people in your class want to be there. There are no one of people constantly talking while the instructor is, there are not anymore kids being rude and uncivil because again people are paying for this education. All in all I believe college is way better the high school from the events to the friends made to the courses be taught.